I See You

I remember meeting up with friends last Valentines day http://catharasisofaresearchscholar.blogspot.com/2009/02/valentines-girls-day-out.html. We were all spinsters and had nothing to do with love. Maybe we were all cloistered nuns or bruised and tormented spirits. We hated to love. I was the ringleader. I challenged a friend that if I were to ever marry, I would give him a party at the Le meridian. I was confident about remaining single.

But to my own surprise and dismay of many I am married a year after.

How does it feel being married or in love? It is terrifying , I keep dreaming of falling into a big pit. It’s a drag being advised like a kid on dont’s and do’s. But love makes you immune to a lot of stuff.

Being in love also teaches you what unrequited love would feel like. I did hurt many. I am guility , I beg forgiveness. It teaches you humility and sensitivity but, only when you share it with someone you could love.

Do we get tired of love? I think we do and that is precisely because we fall in love. It is a nice metaphor to dissect. We only fall in love and sadly never rise. So we are bound to grow sick and tired. It is human, it is natural. As days pass by certain qualities that made you ‘fall in love’ alters.

A quote that has held me strongly when I was weary and restless was by Pope John Paul II. His life and his words give me immense strength. And this was not because of religiosity but because my soul could relate to his words.

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape.

This is difficult because we love someone out of our love for ourselves and end up expecting the response we desire. And this might work out initially but boomerangs fast.

So if you can say “ I love you because I want to” rather I love you with hundreds of if’s and but’s, welcome to chaos. It is definitely gonna hurt but it’s bittersweet.

Ok now to sugar coat this with something romantic my all time favourite romantic hero Richard gere said this in the movie Runaway Bride-

“Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.”

Well I think that’s how I got married. And for the rest of the year no one out there is gonna look at me on campus and laugh saying “ Teena YOU and LOVE????

This was special edition so you better read this and forget it.

I am in love with the Na’vi expression of “ I see you”.

So Happy Valentines day to all you folks out there. And go say “ I see you” to your dear ones.

P.S- This is for my Valentine

Ahem!

Dear,

“ I see you” ( though technically I don’t coz you are in Mumbai and I in Chennai :P )

Jokes apart it hurts , I don't know why but I love the pain. I miss the stories, the meticulous obsession with list making and seeing you packing. I miss the tea , the journeys, the chess, the mosquitoes. I miss the fun, the fights and even our bai :) .

I miss sipping the tea at the window with you and being put to bed like a kid.I miss your " this is the best movie , you got to watch this" though I never was interested in the movies as much as you, miss the flowers and jelabis.

of all I miss, I miss your songs the most.