Saturday, February 13, 2010

Love solved it for me

It’s difficult to cry inside an auto. For one, it’s open on both side and two, the moment it stops at traffic signals, there are many who would peer inside to see who’s having the ride. And if you see a grown up man sitting and sobbing, it does raise the curiosity of a few, who would then follow you for a few more traffic signals to make sure they saw a man crying. I wanted to cry out loud, at my loss, such was my state when I was coming back home, after dropping you at the airport today; but then you can’t have such privileges on the road. It was naïve of me, when I had said to you, that I would not cry. I was already in tears the moment you went inside the airport. I saw a few others in the same agony and thought it’s normal. But riding this auto back home is proving tough. I can’t feel you sitting next to me and it’s making me sad. Do you remember all those rides we took together in the small span of few weeks? I can’t hold you and pull you close to me now. Where have you gone? I keep looking at my right side, thinking this is just a dream, and I would see you smiling back at me. No luck and I start thinking that those were the dreams, the times that we had together. “And the times just went by, we never felt. The times that lay ahead, they would be difficult.”

I see a couple riding a bike, and I am sure you would have said ‘cute vava’, looking at their little baby. And I would have looked at you and smiled. But now I can only cry, for you are not with me. I miss you being next to me. I had come to accept that you will be next to me all the time and suddenly it seems not to be true. “How I got you, surely it was not easy. You are gone, and now it’s only me.”

I pass the church on the way, though it is empty at this hour, I still feel for the times we sat together inside it. It was atypical of us to sit together and not speak, but we did it in the church. I say a silent prayer to give that time back to me so that I can speak to you a little more. I say a little prayer for your safe journey. “What was spoken, what was said, they were nice. But I still long, to hear your voice.”

Ah! That’s a new restaurant there! How did we miss going there? I am sure that once you are through with what they have to offer, you would say, “I can cook better”. Yes you cook better and how I long to see you cooking at home now and taste it in between, just to tease you. I don’t miss dining at this restaurant and many others like it. All I miss now is you. “A long journey brought us together. A longer journey will keep us apart. "

The traffic is going mad even at this time of the day. And it’s getting on my nerves; I want to reach home badly. I wouldn’t mind the delay if you were with me. With you things change and become better and I only realize it now. It’s already getting difficult for me to get back to my old life and you are not even air borne. I hate it when people say that good time passes quickly. How I wish to go back in time and stop it, at a few weeks ago and spend my whole life there. “Deep within there is a sound, I can feel. It’s loud enough but I can’t hear.”

Love is a strange thing; till you don’t have it you are oblivious to it, once you have it, its bliss and when you are away from it, you are crestfallen. How ignorant are we in the matters of the heart; just consoling myself by thinking that maybe the heart has a mind of its own. But this is the first time for me so I believe I’ll have to go through the motions. But if I had known before I might have been better prepared, would have tried to stretch those weeks into months somehow, maybe years for that matter. “Keep me in your midst, I am lonely. I say this to your memories.”

I am entering our home and somewhere fiddling with the keys I feel that you will greet me as the door opens. Sadly there is no sign of you. How could life change so much in the span of one hour. My eyes become heavy again, but the only respite now is that I am away from the prying eyes of people. I close the door behind me and start to cry my heart out. “I hope this too will pass. Love will solve it for me too.”

P.S: I love you

4 comments:

jils said...

nw tht was smething frm the heart....

bhuji said...

I am honoured and emotional

bhasha said...

:))

~moonstruck~ said...

really can relate to most of it....
i like the feel....

lets hope she can finish everything well and be with u all the time very soon....