Monday, January 24, 2011

Why I am a Feminist -Part1

Phew the title frightens me when I aniticpate the anonymous comments I am gonna receive from people I know. But I have been contemplating on this for quite some time. Not because I am gonna lash out people out there and enjoy sadistically. Just because recently I had few experiences which required a catharsis, I thought it was worth putting into words.

Whenever I spoke about women or issues related to women I have been asked emphatically if I were a Feminist? The tone often varied from being sarcastic to condemned , surprised, irritated, confused and baffled. To people who know me well this was nothing bad but to those unknown I transcended to a monster who hated men, spoke ill about them and lived to concoct plans to exterminate them something very close to Nazism.

The very fact I am married is sufficient a reason to deny all the above claims but then people get curious if I am torturing my hubby or has he managed to train his dragon (that's me).

On this juncture I would like to share my views on feminism. I was called so for the first time in my ninth standard and I had no clue what the term meant. I would stick to my definition of those days. A feminist to me is a woman who celebrates womanhood and does not tolerate any shit coz she is a woman.

This was my response to people who stopped me from doing thing because I was a girl overtly or covertly. And since I came from a supportive family and had a very strong mother I was never subdued. It took me to surprise that this was not the case in other homes. Girls were raised very differently from boys and told it was for their good as they were the weaker sex.

I was recently told by a guy that he loved Mumbai. When I asked why so he replied the girls were babes. I added they were bold too. He replied saying women can never be bold and this irritated me a lot. This is one problem I have experienced for 27 years of my life. Women had to be beautiful to entertain men and that's what our media has succeeded in doing so far. Not many stories or movies portraying women in lead roles succeed. In fact the more dumb the women portray themselves it fails to appeal to men who disapprove and women who feel scandalised( definitely they are never indoctrinated to revolt).

I am often reminded women should not think aloud I don't understand why though. A friend of mine , a very dear one in fact told me " You are not the prototype for the kind of wife I would be looking out in future". We were a group of close friends and this comment upset me a lot. I asked him why and he said it was unfeminine to argue, debate and not obey. I wonder what they think of WHO today.

I dont hate men infact all my good friends are men, sensible men who have accepted me as I am and support the thoughts I share with them.

And Why am I a Feminist? Precisely because I cant tolerate any shit against me because I am a woman.

P.S- I expect a lot of anonymous blunders and I promise they will be published here.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Our First Anniversary

When I prepared to sleep on Jan 9th I rewinded all the events of the same day, the previous year. I told myself I would never be able to pull through it again and in fifteen minutes I would be celebrating my first anniversary with WHO. He lay next to me busily reading Erich Segal's 'Acts of Faith'. I looked at his face, he looked calm and serene the same guy I have been in love with over a year. I have been fretting over my aged looks recently but he kept assuring me I was the same. We had already made plans for the anniversary. WHO never could keep secrets with me sniffing them so I knew where we would dine, what we would wear and how our anniversary was going to be.

I woke up late hearing my pots and pans waging wars with each other in the process of finding their place in the cupboards. This is something WHO did religiously every day morning before I woke up. He saw all the utensils dryed overnight went into the cupboards and I woke up with a cup of tea next to me. I started wondering how would I feel one day when it stopped. If I died or he died , I thought it was cruel to behave saddistically on one's first anniversary. That's when I noticed posteds on the bedroom door, then the refriegerator and walls nearby. I soon discovered two shining boxes.

I admit I am pathetic , I was gifted with a pair of diamond ear rings and a nosering and instead of jumping up and down I began mentally calculating the weight and the cost ( cant help it, comes with the genes with dad's jewellery business). I was sad that all I could manage for him was an Excalibur shirt of size 39 ( WHO wears 38). But with WHO you cant fret for long.

We had a rejuvenation session in the afternoon. We hoped to look like how we did a year ago. I think its a dream every couple has and I dragged WHO into this nonsense but I thought he deserved some relaxation more than me. And it was worth it,my hero looked dashing after the process.

We had reservations to EBONY in MG road at the rooftop on 13th floor. We had read reviews before choosing this place. I was looking forward to the authentic parsi dishes and WHO was looking forward to a romantic evening. We were so famished by the time we reached there that I think we forgot the romantic part. The rooftop made me feel cold with my sleeveless dress. I looked under or over dressed compared to the women around me. I survived the ogling and the temperature coz we paid some money for the dress and it deserved dignity.
WHO looked charming in his suit with the size 39 excalibur shirt.

The dhansak was tasteless and I look forward to some authentic parsi dishes in the future. The mixed grill was awesome. The wine was fine except WHO felt drunk and I had to finish his glass too. Alcohol doesnt suit WHO and its funny I pass as a drunkard in his eyes.

We had a cake cutting ceremony which did remind me of our wedding cake which got stolen after we cut it so we were the only two who had our wedding cake. And voila history repeats we are the only ones who had it this time. I packed and got the remaining cake lest someone steals them again.

I know this doesnt sound very romantic. But we are very romantic people you know but we are just lazy to write it here.

But the best part is We are together and it's been a year. And now when I contemplate I realise marriages dont work on diamonds and dinners, dresses and demands. It works coz you know you would still be with each other despite all odds. It works coz you want to make it work. I know this wont please women who still expect diamonds and dinners and the fact is I got them both and No I am not gonna give them to you just coz I said I dont beleive in them.

Its been a great , big, mad year. I hope so is next year and the next and the next and the next...........

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Marriage FAQs - Part 2

So here we are again, bringing to light a few more of the compelling and intriguing questions that couples like us get to hear and answer.

Q.8: Are medical tests important before marriage?
A: if you are not very very sure that you don’t have AIDS then do get yourself tested. Don’t do high treason with your partner. If you are sure that you have headaches, then open-up and start medicines. Headaches cause lots of issues in married life. If you are very sure that you have syphilis, then own up to it, before the doctor makes a donkey of you, in front of your partner.

Q.9: Should I let my wife work?
A: If you are not Prince Alwaleed of Saudi Arabia, then you better want your better half to work. It is always advisable that she spend more time in front of the computer than in front of the idiot box. Moreover it gives the lady the means to buy you some surprise gifts and for you to borrow money, interest free, when your friends act pricey.

Q.10: Is it an issue if my wife earns more than me?
A: Research says that more of anything leads to problems. But you can solve this by making a pact that whatever extra one partner earns will be spend only on the other partner, who earns less. The fear of spending more can always be a motivation to earn less. But recent research also warn that more than salary, you should be worried about who you report to at your workplace. You don’t want to have the same boss, both at home and office!

Q.11: We always have fights deciding whose parents we should spend the holidays with?
A: If your parents are good with you spending the holidays with their counterparts then you really have adorable parents. Else drop the ball in their court by asking both the parents to come and stay with you. Usually the in-laws back out of such a proposition because they don’t want to share space and rights with their adversaries. But if they call your bluff and agree to play ball, you will have tough time juggling balls of thorns.

Q.12: My wife is very beautiful and I am uncomfortable. What to do?
A: Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but you don’t go scratching those eyes if it belongs to your neighbour. You got mesmerized by her and that's why you had said yes in the first place. Ideally your chest should swell up with pride when you see the guy next door eyeing the wifey. But sooner than later he will end up at your door step looking for spanner, sugar or paper. It is then important that you should have the six packs beneath your chest to take care of the bumble bees.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Happy New Year

I had a lousy start for New Year. I was down with flu. Though I was down for few days I chose
Jan 1 for seeing a doctor. Being sick makes us all pessimists. At the moment I hate the Institute, the insti hospital, the mess food and my department. The reasons are specific and unspecific but I love the hating part. I broke a lovely sandal of mine on the 1st of Jan in the middle of the road and walked barefoot. Since I was dressed in black and modestly I might have been mistaken for an Ayyapa devotee. Oh regarding young women not allowed at Sabarimala I have quite a few grey hairs and my face looked too aged with the fever I could have passed for a 60 yr old easily. The best part of New year was that I met my friend Lakshmi and her new born. And ofcourse I had WHO with me for New year though I was sad we could not celebrate New Year with me being sick.

For New Year resolutions I got quite a lot this time to start with I would want to take care of all my health issues and exercise my body a lot and not my mind. I am on a serious-track- my books -down mission.I am at the moment surrounded by a lot of neagatives and am gonna stay in my I hate this....... phase.

Hope you all have a fabulous New Year , I somehow am pessimistic about mine.