It was almost mid night and I could feel the restlessness in you, to know how your first birthday with me would be and what I would gift you. I would be lying if i say I was not restless myself, worrying whether you would like what I have got for you. I blindfold you and take you into the room, I whisper in your ears "Happy Birthday Sweetheart" and you jump with joy and hug me back. You see the faint yellow light filling the room, coming from a strange looking jar and you ask me if that's for you and I nod in affirmation. You take it in your hands and tell me it's so sweet. You stare at it as if I gifted you the Sun itself and you want to see how it looks from up close. Then you turn back and ask what else have I got. I give you a birthday card and you start reading it aloud. I sense that you wanted something more and that you were not really excited about the jar. Though you never said anything I could read your mind, and you know that I could do that.
Somewhere in the middle of the night I woke up startled; might have been a bad dream. The yellow light from the jar was still radiating in the room. I found myself getting out of the bed and moving towards the source of the light, without my volition. I took the jar and felt captivated by the light coming from it. It felt a little eerie and then the words of the seller flashed in my mind, "open the lid while the jar is glowing and make a wish and you will travel through time". Without my realizing what was happening I opened the lid and I made a wish. The next thing I remember is of being in a hospital. No, nothing happened to me. I am actually walking down the corridor of the hospital, but not sure where I am going. I could feel me walking behind myself and trying to see what I was doing. I stop in front of the maternity ward and peep in. I see lot of newly mothers with their new borns sleeping. I step in and start to look around. Little did I realized then what I was looking for but the moment I saw her I realized that this was it. It was your mom, and I could recognize her instantly as if I had seen her a hundred times before. She was in deep sleep but looked really tired, like after a storm, from the experience of delivering her first child, who was sleeping next to her, a girl. Yes, it was you. I came closer to the bed and looked at you. Surprisingly you were not asleep, and I smiled thinking that you don't sleep much even now. You looked at me and smiled, as if you knew I was coming and you were staying awake for me. I fell for your smile, as I always do and I took you in my arms. You felt so small and delicate that I wanted to put you back on the bed, but I was afraid that you will create a scene if I did that and I did not wanted to be caught in a maternity ward, dead in the night, with a baby in my arms which was not mine. I brought you close to my face and kissed you. I looked into your eyes and felt lost, not knowing where I was, what was happening and what I was doing. Slowly you closed your eyes and I came out of your spell. I closed my eyes and made a wish again.
You were still fast asleep, just as when I had left, oblivious to what I had done and what I had in my arms. I looked at you and whispered in my mind, "look what I have got for you. I got you". I closed the lid of the jar and felt relieved and startled at the same time. The words of the seller resonated in my mind, "you will believe me one day". I pressed you into me and took you into the other room. I sat on the couch and looked at your face. I thought about how you were not happy about the gift I gave you just hours ago and now when I'll give you yourself what would your expressions be like. Would you be able to recognize yourself and feel weak in your knees or will you just get worried about whose baby is this in your house. I guess you will recognize yourself, but that would be the easy part. The hard part would be to explain to you how I did it. But after all is said and done I am sure you'll be overjoyed.
Just then you enter the room. You might have woken, and not finding me next to you, might have got worried. I am worried too, not sure how you would react to having a baby but when you see yourself as your baby I am certain that you will be at loss for words. I don't think it gets any better than this. We always think that we know best as to what is good for us and if one gets to shape one's own life, what could be better than that. I hope, you remember all the small things that you wanted to do when you were young, all the things you disliked, what made you angry and sad and what set your heart racing, what you disliked about your parents and what you always yearned for them to do for you, how you always wanted to be pampered and no one to get angry at you. Though the list of how, what, when and why seems endless I am sure it's all stored away in your mind. I am giving you a chance again in life, to do all of it your way. With all that you have experienced in life I am sure, if given a chance, you will be the best mother to yourself. Once you get over the initial shock of seeing yourself in your own arms, you would look at me and ask, why such a gift, why me? Well, haven't I said I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, I had a change of mind. Now I think just the rest of your life is not good enough. I want to spend the rest of my life experiencing the whole of your life, growing old with me as my wife and starting younger as my girl. You would call me selfish but I would agree to it gladly this time. Just that very moment you smile, as if you were listening to what was going in my mind.
You come close to me and take her from me. Then for the first time you look into your small sparkling eyes with relief and kiss yourself. I am waiting to hear what would be the first words you would say to your baby, to yourself. Then with eyes filled with tears and voice choked with emotions, you utter the words - "Happy Birthday Tisca"