I promised to myself that this blog would never go static just because I am starting a food blog. I was wrong and I am sorry for letting it happen. I meet friends who blame me for neglecting this blog and I know I am buying time from people who actually read this saying its the thesis writing or family responsibilities that's responsible for this. Well those reasons do matter but then I have had a fall as big as humpty dumpty recently when someone told me I can't write. I can't tell you all how much I hated myself from that day. It made me feel this blog was a hoax or people who read me knew nothing about writing and so they commented and motivated me , but in my mind I had it loud and clear- I can't write. Or maybe I write well as a blogger but horribly as a researcher. It takes a lot of pride, ego and confidence to admit that one sucks. So I decided staying off the blog was saving that 1 ounce self respect left in me. On the food front I was doing great, I had admirers and it was getting to be a pseudo project something I was good at or something I prove with my constant display of goodies to everyone that I could disarm them with my hexes ( goodies).
I call this phase a wilderness in my writing. I feel all dried up, I know there is a lot I want to discuss but the moment I start I am reminded that I cannot write and never can I punctuate properly. Let me admit that I never can be perfect because writing is the only thing I do as a catharsis and its a downpour of my feelings. I have never thought of crafting my posts as master pieces for publication perhaps that is what makes them sincere and daring too.
When it comes to academics oh don't get me started onto it, it's a different ball game alltogether. My audience need to coaxed, impressed to sell my argument and I feel like a 3 year old who showed her first draft of A's and B's to the kindergarten teacher.You know that feeling don't you when you were a shy, timid kid who gave that puppy eyed look for a golden star on your ABCD test paper?
My life these days is somewhat like that. Life these days is like a falooda every spoon has so many flavours, some nice, some like the complicated vermicelli that slips away. Some like the cold ice cream that freezes your mouth for a moment, some like the surprise fruit of the day that surprises you and in the end you are left with an overwhelming sweetness that is on the border between bitterness to sweetness. Oh its so easy to ramble and play with words. And that is what this whole game is about then why do I fail when it comes to academics? Maybe I am still not smart enough for the big game? or my life is oscillating between the bitterness and sweetness waiting to anchor???? Just some passing thoughts. By the way I love Falooda.............