Sunday, June 19, 2011

Ramblings on Sunday

Sunday evenings upset me and it's been worse over the past two years. This weekend was no different. I guess it's because I slogged the whole week expecting a treat to myself on the weekend. I was in for a surprise when I discovered despite paying 2800 bucks the adapter and OS of my laptop doesn't do what it's supposed to. I have no net access in my room and all that thoughts I had to pour out froze. And on further discovery I realised it doesn't have a sound card so if I had to watch a movie I hard to resort to Charlie Chaplin days.

On weekends our hostel is like an open ground with loud speakers. People just ventilate watching movies and listening to music whole day while they clean their rooms, eat, iron, gossip or even sleep. I felt lonely though I did not tell it to anyone after all I had to be uber cool and show I was ok without any entertainment.

Firstly, noone would understand why it would make me lonely, noone seriously has time for all that. Secondly, when you have something and you take it for granted how would you understand the other? so I was silent the whole day. I was in rage and wanted to go down to ritchie street and abuse that bastard who cheated me but I was more upset with the fact that my friend who got my laptop repaired was away for 2 days and left all my calls unanswered. I could not go to the shop and fight without him and now when he's back our week at insti begins. I silently read ladies coupe by Anita Nair. An abandoned book in the department came my way and all the feminist thoughts chortled me even further.

I thought of telling 'Who' how I felt, but he was busy buying tomatoes to cook channa masala. I don't have such pleasures in hostel anymore and perhaps the semester break and luxurious pampering back home is getting to me. I need to restrain myself from getting used to good food, books and movies and accept "Arbeit macht frei"- that work alone will set me free , free from this place , free from depressing thoughts. Maybe I should not be around to experience this alienation and should run to Blore every weekend.

Have you ever tried explaining yourself all the while realizing noone who listened cared while putting up the understanding gesture? I thought of going to Marina beach not for the sea but for the books at Triplicane but once I am moody , I am lazy as well so I tried sleeping but could not.Life is making me a moron or something ghoulish than a moron. What was it about this place that made me like this? All work and no fun makes Bhuji a madwoman !!!!

It's father's day and I miss my dad or maybe I want to miss him to feel even more miserable.And I sit and ponder.... why do some people have it all the easy way? why don't their laptops crash? lightning strike their systems? their father's die ? their siblings suffer? depression haunt them?

And why dont they ever read all these ramblings?????atleast to increase the readership :)

I know its an incosequential,lengthy and confused post - but that's exactly what rambling means.

3 comments:

Thinkerbell said...

Delurking to just let you know that I read your posts...and look forward to reading them each time. And just like you I've had a lousy day. I am research scholar( again just like you) and today I realised that my research poster has been assigned to a wrong session at a conference I am currently attending. So chances of people in my field seeing my poster are remote and it frustrates me no end. I too asked 'Why me?'. And I realised that sh*t happens. I am not immune to it.
Somehow venting it out on your comments space actually makes me feel a little better. I hope you feel better soon too.

bhuji said...

Hey Thinkerbell hang in there, Life could be worse at times. I feel better especially after a comment by another research scholar which tells me I am not the only one out there. Thanks for reading I hope your poster gets wat it deserves and so does your work.

Chithra lekha said...

Hei Teename
Come out of this lousy talks. I am happy abt tis ramblings u ve experienced thru' as I feel like I m introducd to somone who matches wit my freq. N'joy tis weekend