Saturday, July 17, 2010

Marriage FAQs - Part 1

A lot of people ask us- What’s happening in Iraq? How’s the relation between Bush and Saddam? Are there really WMDs? What were you thinking before you went into war? How can the war succeed from such long distances? Is there ever a good war?
With so many questions around and with so many people getting ready for war, we thought of doing our two cents to help others. So for the first time we are reporting from ground zero, answering the barrage of questions that gets thrown at us. We hope you make the most out of it, because no Bush can understand the scale of this war by sitting in Oval office and no Saddam can hide from the gravity of the war, by squeezing in a pit; a war called marriage!

Q.1: My parents want me to marry and I am kinda confused, what should I do?
A: If your mom still buys your undies then you should definitely listen to your parents. If you consult your friends for the same and check out their styles, then do consult your friends and check out their married lives. But if you try out every new stuff that hits the corner shop then you have probably not reached puberty yet. But do tell your mom about the last one, it sometimes helps keep marriage away.

Q.2: What if I chose the girl/boy and make a mistake?
A: Haven’t you read that mutual funds are subject to market risk, the same applies here. It’s all a matter of your risk appetite. And if you are so unsure please don’t invest in stocks and marriages. Some risks are too expensive and we don’t want you to add stress to the already depressed market.

Q.3: I am doing PhD. I want to marry but I am scared because my guide says my career will be affected if I have kids.
A: Please consult your guide, most probably he/she knows best when you should have a kid. Every researcher’s spouse views the guide as the antithesis just for your information.

The success formula for such scholars is:-
Sum of, Years spent in research and papers published, divided by, the Sum of Total years in research and papers to be published, less, the Guides years of service left, whole multiplied by 100

Q.4: Should I do a love marriage or an arranged marriage?
A: I suggest an arranged love marriage or a lovely arranged marriage would be better than their single cousins. However it doesn’t matter until the marriage, if it’s arranged or love marriage. What you should be more worried about it is, if after marriage it turns in to just an arrangement of marriage or loved happily ever after. But on a more serious note, if you have a lover who’s ready to marry you then get him/her to sign a marriage contract asap, lest they change their minds.

Q.4: Isn’t married life tough?
A: Yes, and so are a lot of other things in life, like learning to ride a bicycle. They say you can’t learn it without falling once. Some fall a little more and some never give it a try again. But if you want to feel the wind on your face you will rise after every fall and will eventually graduate on to a bike or a car. However don’t try the same in marriage!

Q.5: How should I tackle my in-laws?
A: There is no tackling the in-laws; marriage is not a contact sport. You always try to maintain a safe distance, in manner and behavior. In-laws are territorial beings, so you don’t go around pissing and marking your territory in front of them. Just let the alpha male or the ultra female live out their time and then the crown will be passed down. But if you think you can’t wait or you can rule the kingdom better then you should also be good in contact sports.

Q.6: When is the best time to have a baby?
A: It is always advisable to have a baby after marriage. If you are a woman, and if you remember your first root canal and if you are ready to let the same happen to your opposite end, then you are ready. For a man, if you remember the first time you wanted to pull out somebody’s hairs and if you think that you are ready to do that to yourself, then you too are ready.

Q.7: Would long distance relationships survive?
A: Long distance relationship is like deep sea diving. The more farther/deeper that you have to travel to meet your partner/objective the more oxygen you need to carry. But again there is so much oxygen you can carry. So the first thing is to set your objective right. Secondly, deep sea diving is an art, so respect it and don’t go around snorkeling and scuba diving, when not deep diving.

to be continued........but not at the risk of losing the war!


The quirk said...

Its warrrrrrrrrrrrrr so who chose ur undies;) ?

Joji Thomas said...

Wow fantastic. May sound on the face to some but thats how it is.

Who said...

who chose it till now is old story... ask me who will chose it from now on :)??