I can't believe that we have come so far but this is the 100th post on this blog and I am thrilled. As Jils asked yesterday after the party at Mc D, I thank all the loyal fans and the loyal anonymous critics. I should thank our dear editor who introduced widgets and rennovated this site, without whose guidance I would not travel this far.
I was restless reading his sms, I remembered cursing him, “you would not be happy for hurting my feelings.” But more than that my mother’s feelings. My mother was happy that I agreed to marry and she had started dreaming of my wedding day. I had broken the news to my sister, on phone, before my arrival and told her to convey the same to mom. I had instructed her not to ask me anything and to avoid telling my brother. But my brother had overheard mom’s conversation and I could see the situation was gloomy when I reached home. “It’s not the end of the world that a proposal is called off”, I said. My sister and mom showed me the shopping they had started doing. I remembered the excitement in their voice over phone in the past one month. After dad’s death they had found a reason to rejoice, through the wedding plan. “Mom liked this guy”, my sister remarked. I smiled.
But in the midst of all this I still could not believe that this did not work. The whole incident taught me a lot. It made me reflect on my resilience, inner strength, humility and attitude. I knew many of my relatives and friends had thought that this was a done deal. I had to face them all now. I decided to cheer my family. I played the fool, smiled, took snaps went for a pizza treat and some shopping. Ideally I would never get out of home when I came for vacation but I did it this time and I admit we had the best time ever.
My thoughts escaped to him, the stranger I had never met, the stranger whom I had started to like. I expected nothing, but each time I opened my mail box I saw a mail there. Either rationalising the action, apologising for the mistakes, admitting his world had changed and things were not like before. Anyone who knows me would believe that I might have lashed at him but I prayed each time I read the mail for a miracle to happen. I prayed to lord to gift me the power of forgiveness and humility. I decided to follow whatever my family said. I had another proposal lined up. He was an engineer in Wipro, right here in Chennai. This proposal also came at the same time with the other but I discouraged it because I was interested elsewhere. I thought maybe god was indicating I should not have done that.
This guy said he liked me and everything seemed conducive, that my mother was hopeful and suggested I go ahead and meet him. I cried not knowing why, I did not want to marry and I kept hoping this guy turned out to be bad; but all the checks ensured he was not. I showed his snaps to my friends expecting negative comments on his appearance but maybe from the previous experience they preferred being neutral. Final discussions went on; I was told I would have to leave the hostel as he worked near my institute. I prayed fervently those days and decided to be submissive to lord’s plans.
I kept wondering how he was coping, though it was his decision. Somewhere I felt he was like me and if I felt this bad, he would be finding it hard too. I had summed up courage and rang him on my way back from home. He seemed surprised but spoke to me. I felt foolish later for doing so.
I was trying to get ready to battle my nervousness of meeting another guy in two days when I received a call. I could not believe it was from him. Somewhere by then I had resolved my inner conflicts and accepted we came from different worlds, which had no possibility of meeting. This made my conversation easy. “I was happy to be a friend”, I said. I asked him to move ahead in life. He listened silently. There was calmness in his voice and then I told him a guy was coming to see me in two days. I explained the situation and he panicked. “Are you trying to get even with me?” he asked. It took me some time to understand that he was not expecting me to walk out of his life. I tried telling him how upset mom was and now I have no rights to make decisions as I had made a mistake already.
“What if I apologise to everyone? Will you accept me?” I thought it was the typical male syndrome, they don’t value when they have something and when they lose it they want it back (read thing as woman- men often seem confused about the C – word). I was worried if it was a bigger mistake and I had no strength to go back and explain back to people at home. It happens in movies and in real life such situations are not that interesting. I asked lord what he was planning. Why did he make me go through all the pain, humiliation and sarcastic comments if this was what was written? I remembered someone saying every time you make a mistake don’t forget to learn your lessons. Anyone who knew me would say she would have given him tight because she is a feminist. But that’s not what happened.
“If this happens you won’t ever regret in life, and I won’t ever leave you in any trouble”, he said. “But you still have not seen me”, I said. “If I can feel this without seeing you, trust me it will work”. Trust was a heavy word to digest at that moment.
But what do I tell the guy, whose coming in 2 days? “Tell him you are in love”, he said. “But am I”? I asked. “At least I am, though I am scared to admit it”, he said. “And remember you are in love with a devil and I with an angel”. Now no one would believe what troubles the devil and angel has been creating since then. But the devil always kept his word -“If this happens you won’t ever regret in life, and I won’t ever leave you in any trouble”.
I won’t say I am an angel to have given a second chance to someone. No, this was a miracle in my life which transformed many lives. A miracle I witness daily. Forgiveness is a big power and so is love and this series is a testimony of god’s work in lives of ordinary people. Sometimes some incidents change us for lifetime. And to all who ask if this is not too personal yes it is- but it’s a testimony, I promised to write.
Picture abhi baki hai dooston- Wait for the hilarious family meeting