Friday, October 23, 2009

Why Personal?

People ask me why this blog is titled catharasis- and mind it, it has an extra ‘a’. Usually people write the rationale behind the title in the first post. But these days many more ask me the meaning. More than that they ask me the reason for writing my personal life. Especially now with our co-author, who masters in fiction, the contrast is more stark. I grapple hard to reason that others worry when I discuss personal life.

I guess this could be because

a) We as a society (I mean Indians) are very conservative. We always like knowing about others and revealing very little of us. So when someone opens up, though you enjoy it, it reminds you that you cannot do it.

b) Or perhaps you feel voyeuristic when you read someone else’s life. So we all fictionalise or conveniently philosophize things that are general or matter of fact.

c) We are paranoid of losing trust, losing friends, and we fear opening up , because we don’t know if we are going to have these people in our lives forever.

d) Or my so called concerned friends believe that this could lead to a disharmonious marital/ family life. But what about all those discord in families were women suffer silently. Is it because they are blogging?

Frankly, I don’t understand the sacredness of these secrets we try to hide. If you look back you would hardly remember half those things you wanted to hide. Then why were you protecting them? They are not secrets but experiences, and experiences advance learning don’t they? Why do we insist on reading comic and funny experiences and shriek at the sight of something tragic?
This is for all my friends who demand a 200 word essay or ask me to be hilarious. Why does tragedy irk you?

I feel bad, have felt bad and will again feel bad about a lot of things. But I don’t remember them. I can’t recollect the fights and verbal assault I engaged in for the past 23 years. So if someone has manage not to share himself/herself for 23 years , I don’t see that as a personal achievement.

I pity people who battle with their agonies and try silencing their souls.
Catharsis is for such people- it means ventilate your pent up emotions. Let it flow. Don’t play mind games and lead dual lives. Be yourself. Many of us can’t do this because it requires tremendous perseverance, tenacity to battle oneself, to recommit to oneself that I don’t regret this.

This blog is not for people who would disagree but would remark politely, or agree but remark respectfully, it is for those who disagree to agree and agree to disagree and are lost in the wallowing of life.

They see themselves here, each time they stop by; they condemn the writer for her foolishness, but still introspect why they can’t do it. They tell themselves they are smarter but then pause and doubt if they do have dual personalities. Catharsis is for them.

No, it definitely is not my attempt for the Booker.

Last week someone asked me why do you write personal stuff and leave it for people to read?

My answer is what St Francis Assissi said

“Either life as though nothing is a miracle, or as though everything is a miracle”

To me everything is a miracle and I share it as a testimonial, so people out there know that I survived. And what all I achieved and felt proud about. For all that I saw with my heart and smiled within. For all that I hate and speak my heart out against. For all that makes me sad and makes me shriek as well. For all whom I love and proclaim it. For all that I am happy and want to share it too. For all that I experience, I share it with you all. I don’t lead a dual life. I write a blog.


~moonstruck~ said...

hmmm... now I know what u meant!
ur going to have quite a few comments on this one.
Yes ur 3rd point is what I feel most ppl are worried about... 'what others think!'

And I wrote another 10 lines below this... and then realized that it is supposed to be a comment....

So, i'll post the rest on mine maybe someday.... thanks to bhuji...

But in short... it is a matter of preference.. u want to talk abt urself... in public view such as this... Many others would share their experiences only with their friends or family...

There is no right and wrong.

But there is something that u stand to gain than others who dont open up as much....

U will know who ur true friends are. The ones who will really matter...

And for the ppl who complain abt u... well again.. they are probably worried for u.. abt point number 3. But it is ur life. u can choose to do what u want to..

P.S. ended up being quite long despite my attempts! Now this is why ppl ask me to shut up at times.. but i choose to do what I please... haha....

Who said...

i like the speaks and you too...loud and clear...

Unknown said...

i had to check 'interesting' twice.....

jasmine said...

btw, whats the problem here?
is it an extra "a" ;)
did somebody consider it as a crime so that you had to write this post?
OMG... :(

Unknown said...

You have made your point loud & clear :)
Good one :)

The quirk said...

Thanks Saritha's ok ur comments can be written as sequels too :)

Who ... wat do I tell u ;)

Anita nice to see comment from you after a long time which means you identify something in this post

Melvin your comment was a surprise

And Jazz yes some ppl have problems wat do we do to them , so I tried solving it this way :)
and had editorial support :)

Anonymous said...

It is your escapism that mentioning about dual personalities (to those who have not share their personal life experience)

Every individual has its own characteristics and personality traits. Everybody is satisfied in their own cages.

Here, for sake, we can classify personalities broadly into two types:
a) Caring always about ‘WE’
b) Caring always about ‘I’

a) Caring always about ‘WE’:- It is a universal truth that all individuals having their own problems. Nobody here is without personal problem. But the quality of these people is they differentiate personal life and professional life. The capability of these people is solving their problem in their own way. These types of people will never boost self. They always care ‘WE’. They will be for others always. They are considered broad minded.
b) Caring always about ‘I’: As all know these people are always with ‘I’. They are thinking that only they have problem in the world. They will exaggerate with others whatever things related to him/her. In other way, self boosting or narrating self problem with others as if it is main problem of the world. Generally these people are narrow minded, not understandable etc. Small things are very important to these people. They are seeing the world as toad seeing the world in the well.

So don’t conclude that people who don’t share their personal life are dual. It is a escapism of second category people.
Keep writing.

silentblogger said...

before classifying, diagnosing and explaining personality and personality dimensions, it would be a appreciable move to understand the person.

either you don't know bhuji as a person or you think you do know but you don't.

BTW, 'anonymous' really do make a dual personality. he he.

keep writing.

The quirk said...

Dear Anonymous,

I stated my view , ur free to state urs. But, please stop seeing world in binary. This or that, I or We - this sort of thought process is dangerous.

There are multiple realities and I find your statements confusing. Who told you about this 'We' category? and where did you find these two types of personality classification?

The very fact you posted your comment as Anonymous proves it all.

And please don't tell anyone about your new theory of " we" people differentiating between professional and personal life.I am afraid they would patent it soon.

You can use my theory though ,we help and care for others coz it gives us satisfaction. In the process of helping others "we" ( read it as "I" ) feel good. So you help poor,, needy and love others.

So ultimately it all begins from "I" dear.

We write what we see, experience and reflect sometimes fictionalizing it though.

I don't need to explain anything to you. The very fact your comment has not been deleted and is there is my "we" centered attitude :) - I care for you and respect your comment ( obviously the follow up comments makes me feel good too)

oops and who told you all like to be caged. I don't and so do many I know and that's why I wrote this.

Who said...

Anonymous: I am sure it doesn’t take a lot of courage to remain ‘Anonymous’ and rant your thoughts, that too as a comment, on someone’s blog. But for others it takes a lot, to feel the world around you and the one within and bring it together on a blog. I am sure someone just forwarded you a blog link but never told you its purpose. See, I saved you the trouble of looking for what a Blog is, it goes like this – “Blog is short for weblog. A weblog is a journal (or newsletter) that is frequently updated and intended for general public consumption. Blogs generally represent the personality of the author or the Web site.” Does that ring a bell? Oh! Yes, exactly what this post was trying to say.

I would be very keen to then know your thoughts on what an ‘Autobiography’ is? Wait, I think I can borrow it from your own words - “exaggerate with others whatever things related to him/her.” That would be a lot of exaggeration, as an autobiography might run into thousands of words, not to mention it's all about "I".

I was ROTFL thinking how you could call bhuji a -'seeing the world as toad seeing the world in the well'. As silentblogger said, you don't know this person.

Still I would encourage you to continue with your ‘Anonymous’ activities so that one day you would graduate from writing comments to writing blogs. Until such day, we would continue putting “escapism” things here and you are free to stop by and have a read.

jils said...

if i had read this earlier i wouldn't have felt anything. i might not have understood as much as i understand now. this reminds me of a movie dialogue: "is our lives are so personal and private?". i'm beginning to understand tht nw.
-->ventilate your pent up emotions. Let it flow... thanks for the advice, bt as u mentioned we have to fight our own battles to let it flow.

@ who--> good to see u in ur real form :P. tht dog's pic gave sme kind of anonymity for u. y keep such arbit pics wen u've such a good face to show :).

rajagiri friends said...

In this blog, "We Indians reveal very little of us" caught my attention. I don’t think it is possible to generalise like that because all Indians necessarily are not like that and I guess, when you wrote that, u might be keeping Keralites in mind. There is another aspect to it also, like, to reveal our things we should know our self. Generally, we like to know new things and learn new things maybe because we are more intelligent. Keralites can enjoy other people’s things and they can open up also but the problem is that they have more to hide rather than to speak up boldly. We are unable to appreciate others and on the contrary more keen to criticise others, like few friends have done here. I agree to certain views of theirs regarding exposing personal life, but they could have thought about the honest intention behind writing this blog.

The question of losing trust comes when there is something like that between people. I don't think the problem of ours is losing something but the greed to get more without much effort and most of the time we forget to maintain trust and loyalty in a relationship. The word consistency is very hard to find in the dictionary of Keralites. More than losing trust I find it difficult to find somebody we can trust.

The problem with friendship is that we don’t have a perfect definition of who is a friend. For us everyone is a friend. Little exception is that girls conveniently make some guys friends and brothers also. The concept of friendship is like, Lover is a good friend and Ex-lover is a special friend. Maybe because he/she is remembered once in a while which makes him/her special? It’s true, most of the friends can be put into the category "so called" and who bothers actually? It’s no more a secret that women suffer silently in our society and I believe the solution for this should come from women itself and the whole society should be there to support it for a better future. If a guy get into illicit relationship then is it possible without a willing female?

Like you told, there is nothing to hide but still we hide why? How many females will be there to talk openly about their past relationships with guys? Most of them very efficiently hide most of the relationships. I would say guys are more open in such matter at least among their circles. Since most women are escapists they will not only hide things but will also criticise the guy who wish to know about her.

Escapism is another trait seen in people without any values and vision. It is very important to stop mind games and lead dual lives, which is the main reason for all agonies and sleepless nights. I would say we must learn to control our desires, maintain some values in life and be bold. While we do something first convince ourselves, then others. Let’s not silence our soul because we can be better Keralite and a good global citizen.

Your blog gave me a chance to express my feelings on the topics you raised so thanks for that. I maybe wrong and my views maybe different, hope you will forgive me for being unique and in a sense anonymous. Many don't even express comments on what they have read. Perhaps they are so busy! ;-)

The quirk said...

Hi rajagiri,

You are not anonymous because you left a clue through your name Rajagiri which is my Alma mater. so I know you, rather you wanted to maintain a limited anonymity. Your comment was more or less a part 2 to the post :) Thanx for commenting. And hope we write more stuff out here that could make you respond.