Marriage matters-Journey to the altar-Part 1

"This mail has already got too long that it would cost me a lot of stamps. But before I close this one there is one thing I want you to know and to ask. You are in the better half of 20 and I am almost done with being 20. I would even say that 25 is not the age to get married. I try remembering being 25 and I would have killed to not get married. But now life has changed tracks and so have priorities. There is a lot of pressure from home to get married and yes off course companionship (my two strong reasons to get married). So I want to ask if you are ready to get married. I am sure it's not an easy question but the answer would make so many other things easy, for you and for me. I am sure a friend in you would be good but I am looking out for a life partner. I hope I have said it in the right way. I have re-formatted it seven times already and this is the best way I can put it."

I stared at the screen. For how long, I don't remember. There was nothing romantic here. After all we were both two rational individuals who were venturing into a new arena. Everything sounded business like. After all what could you expect from a business analyst?

But he sounded frank, blunt rather. I had many experiences from men who literally gave me the desired year of birth of their unborn child and parents demanding half the stock market. Talking to someone sensible was a respite. I knew nothing lasted forever. Thanks to my endowments, no one stayed with me for long. This was a new flavor of the season and I had no desire to see it last forever.

But something about this guy made me feel comfortable. My alters were waging wars to comprehend the situation. The ‘feminist’ was dominant and the ‘daughter’ was helpless." What did the ‘ME' want”?

“What are your two reasons for marriage?", he asked.“Love and companionship”, I said. Did I really mean it? Me the feminist?

“I don’t believe in love, accommodating a new person is too scary. I won’t do anything that would hurt my family and me later”, he added. I admitted I had the same fears. I felt I was looking at my image in the mirror. Words I have had thrown at many others boomeranged and hit me.

Why did I feel like I knew this guy? Why was I taken aback by his blunt statements? Why was I not protesting to what he said?

We had a lot of interests in common to discuss books, movies, blogs, pets, food - the list was endless. I tried discussing anything but marriage but he did just that. He brought the conversations to what I was avoiding. He knew my mind or maybe human psychology.

“You are showing me hurdles before I start?”, he asked one day. That was the truth, that was what I did to many before. I shut myself out so no one would know me. How did he crack that? How does he know me?

“I want to plunge into the water”, he said.“But if things won’t work out you won’t hear from he again”, he said one day. I felt a sword piercing my heart. What was this new feeling?

“Why we can’t be friends”, I asked. “I am afraid you are not looking in the right direction, I don’t need a friend and not in these circumstances”, he said.

Why doesn’t he elaborate on the circumstances? Why this aversion to love? Why was there a conscious diversion when conversations drifted to dreams of married life? It felt as if he was talking without inhibitions and then suddenly he became silent.

"Never promise something you can't. I can't hurt you”, he said. “You are emotional and passionate. I am logical and selfish".

"I need to tell you something important, but before that you can say all that you want. Once I start you can’t speak.............

What was he going to say? Does he love me? Will he leave me forever, god I wish he did not. Was he going to talk to his parents? Does he have a secret to share? My mind raced like a wild horse. And then he said something that changed my life forever.......