An ode to the boobs from the West

It all began ten minutes ago, the haunting memories, the compulsion to write it down and the exhiliration of releasing those pent up emotions. And it was all because of her, the beauty from the West who was enjoying her dinner with her friends. I kept stealing glances. No... I do not feel anything for women.. I am straight like a pole, neither do I fancy her in anyways but she has been the central character of the 'play' of my life , she had affected my life in many ways she could never fathom and she never would. And as I ruminated over this my eyes slid down from her face to her boobs. I felt repulsive. I never could imagine severing relationships over boobs and 'her boobs'? and she does not even know about it.

It all began few months ago. I was irritated with a series of mishaps over the week with a conked laptop, being fooled by a laptop dealer, missing my hubby and delayed work. I badly wanted to talk to someone sensible and thats something I seldom found at this place I was.

I was trying hard to avoid advices, and apathetic anecdotes when suddenly my friend called me to her and said in a very serious tone ' Don't you think 'V' s boobs have flattened.

I was not a friend of 'V', and boobs were not my favourite topic of discussion. I grew up in a culture where boobs were always the cause of world's misery. I was constantly hauled, taunted and denied access to many dresses I fancied and I had thought of cosmetic surgeries a trillion times in life. I was also contemplating on countering these stances by learning to stand up and be grateful for what I have. I was even contemplating on writing an aesthetic primer on boobs and this female was criticising someobody's boobs to me.

" Since when are you interested in this ,I asked". I knew she would never broach this topic on her own and neither would she discuss it casually over breakfast with anyone else. Oh I heard the guys discuss this when they saw her at tea last eve she said.

I knew the guys and that this was always their favourite hobby. They considered themselves connoisseurs of female anatomy and freely awarded grades to contours. Though it did irritate me often I never brought this up in our conversation. But I was irritated how somebody's boobs was making way into our discussion. My friend looked upto me for an answer as if we were oncologists discussing over "lymphosarcoma of the intestine" and my nod was of grave significance.

I left her and pondered would they be analysing me too. But then they told me I was insignificant. Now did that irk me? I called the guys for tea. And as I walked to the cafe I casually asked them why they considered it necessary to include my friend to discuss a fellow female's anatomy. I asked them why this was necessary at all and if they were any different from any pervert out there.

I tried making them understand it felt horrible to survive a world of gropers and gawkers and the new category of aesthetic lovers was no different. I degraded their art to voyeurism and the guys froze. One turned to me and asked me to proceed for tea without him. I stared at him for a while. I thought I was making my stance clear and this was after all a conversation. He looked at me like an insulted critic- labelled- sleazy- porn- writer. He stared for a while and I even considered apologizing. I paused and pondered and saw he was walking away.

As his steps farthered I measured the distance between us. I did some calculations. 4 years of friendship never deserved a retreat over somebody's boobs. Was it so easy? Perhaps it was. It was always principles versus relationships for me, so I walked forward too. I had my first tea in 4 years all alone and I continued it for days there after. And I dont regret. Life never came to a standstill which was my worst fear.And we all survived happily ever after.

So my beauty from the West do you know those boobs of you'rs liberated me from relationships that were fragile enough to break away because of you ? And though I lunch and dine in solitude, thanks to you I spoke my heart out and sleep peacefully.I wish I could tell you some day that your boobs created waves in my history. You made me a freedom fighter lady of the West. And no matter what any critics think, your boobs are fine and so are you :)

P.S- To perverts who read through searching sleazy words... you should have quit reading after the first two lines.