Catharsis of a research scholar Part 4

Like Murphy's laws in research when you are all geared up you fail and when you head unprepared you sort of win the game. All these years I wrote up reports over a week and had sleepless nights before my reviews. This time I had no time and energy to fret.So I wrote a report in 3 hours and forgot all about the meeting. I repaired my cycle, did all my errands even an hour before the review. I never read the power point or report once and just went and did a last minute show. And it clicked !! And now when I think of it, it could be because I am immersed in work and gaining a lot of insights from field , presenting them seemed so simple. And secondly I am not scared of anything anymore. I am prepared to leave anyday and that's the worst that could happen. I start my day with those thoughts and everything around looks simple to me.

Apart from all this what's changing my life is 'fun'. I am unguarded these days and have done away with the self perpetuating torturous life. Over the past 2 weeks I did a lot of stuff I havent in my four years here. I was a dog sitter for a week. And pets are great stress busters. I went on a road trip to Pondicherry and had lots of fun. I cooked and partied, painted and read, slept and gossiped and started dressing up like college days. At the departement we rocked organising a flower carpet and onam sadhya and I felt young again. To end it I attended a meeting of few friends from Nagaland and felt a distinguished guest amongst another community. I also visited a professor's house for a gathering for which my friends and I spent half a day making a gift.

And now guess what........... The insti has a funny way of instigating guilt when you have fun, noone tells you anything but as I had written in a previous posts there are quite a few 'dementors' here and there to suck away your happiness and now I feel low and I have declared " Mission Underground"- I need to get back to the old form and I am in exile now. My comrades of course know my hideout but for the world ( read department), I am gone. But that was some fun for few days that has given me memories so fond to cherish from research days.