It’s been a week since I landed in Padova. For those of you unaware of my recent stint , I just enticed the EU with my research abilities and here I am in Italy on the Erasmus Mundus fellowship for three months in Padova, which is in Venice !!!!!!!!
It is a very beautiful city, a place where one could pain landscapes, capture stills to heart’s content, go gaga over architecture , write a poem, listen to the harps and lyres and feast on delicacies. Though my friends here tell me Verona and Venica is the best.
I find the place cheerful except for the cold weather which, to my Italian friends is Spring time !!!! But, I cannot skip to skirts from thermal wear and I look like and Eskimo here. My work is running smooth which I am not gonna tell you. It is as confidential as the FBI. But on the social side I got no roomie and I don’t speak Italian. To make things worse I don’t drink so I cant enjoy being intoxicated. For the first time in life I am in an introspection mode.
I suddenly discovered how lucky I am in many ways. Luckier than Maria Luisa who starts from Verona at 6.30 am and rushes back home to her three kids and skips lunch to read as she has no time when she reaches home. I never had to struggle so hard to learn. I discover myself luckier than most Italians here who would die to learn English not knowing which cuts their access to half the world’s literature. I feel lucky to have a mom who taught me basics of survival artistically- yeah mom thanks for teaching me cooking could be fun. I feel lucky to have a obsessive planner husband with whom I fight consistently but whose foresight has always been a blessing. I feel lucky to have friends and so many of them that I had no place to hide when I was in the institute and here I have loads of time and loneliness without them.
Yet, nothing can suffice this loneliness , the beautiful sights, the tastiest pizza, yummiest gelatoes , chirping birds,pretty figurines or gondolina rides .
Being alone did teach me “ That when you gain a fistful you still lose a handful”.
Every pleasure of the new world that fills this heart to its brim evaporates into thin air reminding of the other.
Leaving within just the desire to belong to one of them for ever.
Yet I remain cursed dreaming lucidly sniffing the air of both and denied from being anywhere forever.