"I need to tell you something important, but before that you can say all that you want. Once I start you can’t speak.............”
My heart began racing on hearing this. It was a bad day already with some problems back home. I had called him up at office and talked casually. I lost my temper in between and that happened often. It was all new to him, poor little thing I told myself. “I will call you tonight and let’s talk then”, is all he said. I was already impatient and now he was going to tell me something very important. I wished he said what I wanted to hear.
In our last conversation he told me, “I can’t say that one word because saying it would mean I would be committed forever so let me say it when I am ready”. I agreed to him though he was unaware of the mixed signals he gave.
And then he began..................
“Look I have been analysing you, the possibility of this relationship rather. You are a very volatile and emotional person. We might have problems in our life and I don’t expect my life partner to come to me for support. I want her to handle her problems on her own. And I am not good at playing your games so I can’t pamper or pacify you when you are down. I also realise I need to make space and time for one more individual and I am anxious about the new changes in my life. I really don’t think you match up to my standards. I want a partner who can walk shoulder to shoulder and face problems. I don’t want to tell my problems to her and I don’t want her to bother me with hers. With you, that seems impossible. So let’s call it QUITS.”
I was silent. I could not respond. Words just hit me and I was gathering them to make sense. Volatile, playing games, pamper, shoulder to shoulder and QUITS.
I felt like a patient regaining sensation after a concussion. I wanted to believe he was kidding, he was stressed at office maybe or this whole idea of settling down was choking him. Our parents were getting prepared to proceed and my mom would be crestfallen.
I have met men. Men of all sorts but I had not talked to anyone and listened to anyone like him. What upset me was the word ‘analysis’.
“So all those questions about likes, dislikes, problems at home and my dreams were matter for your analysis?” , I was getting prepared for a big Yes, praying he said a big No.
“Well, I had to know you more so I needed data”, he said.
“You call it data- as in making someone discuss their personal life is just gathering data for you?”, I asked. “Now let’s not get emotional here, you always had a choice not to answer”, he replied. “How shrewd if you don’t remember I could remind you what you said then”, I said but I stopped, not because I was short of words but I did not want to retaliate. I just could not fight him.
“How come I don’t know anything about you and you kept avoiding any discussion about yourself. At least I was sincere and I opened up myself,” I replied, to keep the conversation flowing. Then later I admitted it was over.
Then we had entered into the next round – the round of bargaining. I found it crazy. What was I telling him? He should accept me because he used me like a guinea pig?
“Look, don’t use your psychological games , I regret for having done it, I really should not have given you ideas and tried being close to you especially when I knew you were not of my standards”. He said that again and I wondered why I let myself be trampled.
“Trust me I won’t do it to anyone again in life”, he said. I could feel, he meant it. But the damage was done. Maybe I had to pay the pr ice for him to learn that lesson.
“I am leaving for home tomorrow. Families take such things seriously and once I break this news there is no going back, Are you sure this is not a haste decision?”
Why was I giving him a second chance?
“Try telling your mom something nasty about me so she won’t refer me again and go ahead in life”, he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked again?
“I have decided my mind, I know you are hurt, you can yell at me and I deserve it but it is done forever”, he said.
Done forever...., the words reverberated. It sounded stupid too considering I did not know him for long.
As I sat on the train to go home, my intuition told me something was not over. I kept glancing at my mobile but received no messages. At home I completely forgot about it and tried immersing myself with work and then came a message
“The wheels of your curse has started to roll. Alas may what is in store for me be done.”
So I was right; things were not destined to end at where we left. Now what was this new trouble?
My heart began racing on hearing this. It was a bad day already with some problems back home. I had called him up at office and talked casually. I lost my temper in between and that happened often. It was all new to him, poor little thing I told myself. “I will call you tonight and let’s talk then”, is all he said. I was already impatient and now he was going to tell me something very important. I wished he said what I wanted to hear.
In our last conversation he told me, “I can’t say that one word because saying it would mean I would be committed forever so let me say it when I am ready”. I agreed to him though he was unaware of the mixed signals he gave.
And then he began..................
“Look I have been analysing you, the possibility of this relationship rather. You are a very volatile and emotional person. We might have problems in our life and I don’t expect my life partner to come to me for support. I want her to handle her problems on her own. And I am not good at playing your games so I can’t pamper or pacify you when you are down. I also realise I need to make space and time for one more individual and I am anxious about the new changes in my life. I really don’t think you match up to my standards. I want a partner who can walk shoulder to shoulder and face problems. I don’t want to tell my problems to her and I don’t want her to bother me with hers. With you, that seems impossible. So let’s call it QUITS.”
I was silent. I could not respond. Words just hit me and I was gathering them to make sense. Volatile, playing games, pamper, shoulder to shoulder and QUITS.
I felt like a patient regaining sensation after a concussion. I wanted to believe he was kidding, he was stressed at office maybe or this whole idea of settling down was choking him. Our parents were getting prepared to proceed and my mom would be crestfallen.
I have met men. Men of all sorts but I had not talked to anyone and listened to anyone like him. What upset me was the word ‘analysis’.
“So all those questions about likes, dislikes, problems at home and my dreams were matter for your analysis?” , I was getting prepared for a big Yes, praying he said a big No.
“Well, I had to know you more so I needed data”, he said.
“You call it data- as in making someone discuss their personal life is just gathering data for you?”, I asked. “Now let’s not get emotional here, you always had a choice not to answer”, he replied. “How shrewd if you don’t remember I could remind you what you said then”, I said but I stopped, not because I was short of words but I did not want to retaliate. I just could not fight him.
“How come I don’t know anything about you and you kept avoiding any discussion about yourself. At least I was sincere and I opened up myself,” I replied, to keep the conversation flowing. Then later I admitted it was over.
Then we had entered into the next round – the round of bargaining. I found it crazy. What was I telling him? He should accept me because he used me like a guinea pig?
“Look, don’t use your psychological games , I regret for having done it, I really should not have given you ideas and tried being close to you especially when I knew you were not of my standards”. He said that again and I wondered why I let myself be trampled.
“Trust me I won’t do it to anyone again in life”, he said. I could feel, he meant it. But the damage was done. Maybe I had to pay the pr ice for him to learn that lesson.
“I am leaving for home tomorrow. Families take such things seriously and once I break this news there is no going back, Are you sure this is not a haste decision?”
Why was I giving him a second chance?
“Try telling your mom something nasty about me so she won’t refer me again and go ahead in life”, he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked again?
“I have decided my mind, I know you are hurt, you can yell at me and I deserve it but it is done forever”, he said.
Done forever...., the words reverberated. It sounded stupid too considering I did not know him for long.
As I sat on the train to go home, my intuition told me something was not over. I kept glancing at my mobile but received no messages. At home I completely forgot about it and tried immersing myself with work and then came a message
“The wheels of your curse has started to roll. Alas may what is in store for me be done.”
So I was right; things were not destined to end at where we left. Now what was this new trouble?
9 comments:
huh huh... so there was this version too... i got a hint from u T.. but not the details.. :)anyway this style of writing is apt for a serial writer... who stops at the point of maximum tension.. u want us wait for your next blog, rite? :)
I hope its just ur imagination. not serious about it. Any way the title gives some hope.
Rubil brother it is a series so wait till you read the others
I do hope everything turns out well...I will say a special prayer for you...I know newly couples confront anxiety in leaning on each other during tough times...But the twitchiness in the relationship disappeared eventually.
Well having seen many movies of this sort, i could easily guess the happy ending. Just tag your climax post with 'Shubham' and I will come and read it. Admirable writing :)
nice ending. makes sure the reader will come for more. :)
i cant make out the time line x-(
isn't this too personal to write on a blog....just wondering...its ur choice..
n i'm relieved feeling the end has 2 b positive in this series!!! :))
May God Bless!!
Well jazz I wnt write for daily soaps. Jils which timeline is bothering u... Margarita I dnt knw if ppl wud stop back to read this alone.... Thanx for the prayers Obiter and Anonymous wont forget to tag subham.
Bhasha every single post out there are candid confessions maybe names and events were distorted that's it.
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